i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
