help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
