I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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