god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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