You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
