he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
