Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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