I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
