My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
