It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
