she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
