all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
