The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
