So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
