I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Randomize
