You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My hand turned me down
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
