When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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