so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
