her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
