my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't notice because vodka
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
