totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
