you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
