so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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