bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
