mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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