Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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