you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
pray to the hookup gods
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
