I can text with my tongue
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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