I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
