uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
