i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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