i used baking grease as lip gloss
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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