we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
