What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
