is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
