They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
