Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
