Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
