they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
