Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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