She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
