We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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