i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
