can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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