I love black thongs
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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