he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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