Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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