Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
