he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
