Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
