We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
