I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
