Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
